Nonexistant Choices
by N7angel
Summary: Lord Rhiallia Zorin discusses children with Captain Malavai Quinn... bad summary, I know, but give it a chance.


**A/N: **_**This is a one-shot based off the letter Malavai Quinn sends to the Warrior about children. In accordance to my other Malavai/SW story, this takes place prior to it, not after the betrayal. And I suggest you read my other Malavai/SW story "**_**Shattered Trust**_**" prior to reading this since it contains information about my Sith's background. **_

_**Let me know what you think of my portrayal of Quinn. I'm trying to keep him in character, but I've made a few tweaks. In short, while he still respects my SW as a Sith and his superior, he isn't totally afraid of his wife and is more laid back when they're alone. **_

**Disclaimer: _I do not own_ Star Wars_._  
**

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Stiff and bruised, Lord Rhiallia "Lia" Zorin gingerly entered her cabin, peeling off her armor with the intent on relaxing as her latest mission had left her bruised despite the heavy armor she wore and very sore. Vette was sore as well, having gone on the mission with her, and had already retreated to the refresher to take a hot shower, but unlike Lia, she fought at a distance, not upfront with a lightsaber. While a shower might take care of her friend's aches, it wouldn't do much for hers.

She yanked off the final peace of red armor and let it land carelessly to the floor before she fell forward on the bed with a heavy sigh, not even having the energy to reach back and take the pins out of her light blond hair or remove her tight under armor. Just moving an inch sent shock-waves of pain through her limbs, especially her shoulders, but muscles all along her body hurt. Typically she wouldn't get so sore, but the mission had been brutal and dragged on for hours on end, and she'd been hit with a few blasts from rifles when jumping from a third story balcony and had reacted poorly, failing to land properly and hurting her right leg. It was a foolish mistake but the wounds were not permanent. She just needed some time.

As she wouldn't be moving anytime soon, she took the privacy and silence to think over a letter Quinn had sent to her a few days earlier while he was away on a mission for her.

In short, he spoke of how they should care for a child if she were to become pregnant, though he referred to children as offspring. Some of it she understood and agreed with, such as the bit about how a baby would sap her strength and that it would need constant protection for her enemy's, but she didn't like the rest of the letter. It seemed that as far as Quinn was concerned, their child – should they have any – would become a Sith or go into the military, nothing else. While she was sure he hadn't meant it to sound like a business arrangement, he had made it sound like one.

She'd meant to talk to him about it the moment she finished her mission seeing as he'd returned while she was away, but she'd merely given him coordinates before gingerly walking to their quarters.

Did she want children? Yes, she did, if only to give her child the childhood and love she never got from her parents. The closest thing she had to a father had been the Imperial agent mascaraing as her father while she'd been strategically placed in the Jedi Order at a young age. Once the truth came out, she'd been left confused and her freedom to choose had been ripped from her. She didn't want her child to share her fate.

Long before the door hissed open, she felt Captain Malavai Quinn's presence and she was not surprised that he let himself in rather than buzzing and asking for permission. He'd long since come to accept that her quarters were his as well and that he needn't ask to come in, and he'd loosened up considerably. Amongst the crew, he was the subordinate Captain and she was the Sith lord to whom he'd sworn his allegiance to. But in their quarters, they were equals. He was just Malavai, and she was Lia, though he insisted on calling her by her full first name Rhiallia rather than Lia. It was an improvement from "my lord", so she didn't mind.

Rather than speak, Quinn walked to her and unlocked the clasps of her boots before pulling them off and setting them to the side before tugging the uncomfortably tight under armor pants off. He then sat beside her on the bed and urged her to move her arms above her head, and she complied, gritting her teeth as she did so that he could help remove the tight fitting top, nearly embarrassed by the pained whimper that rose from her throat at the sharp pain that shot through her muscles and down her spine. Left in her black under garments, she sighed in relief as the cool air hit her uncomfortably hot skin. The man was a gift from the Force, she swore it.

"Rough mission?" he speculated, freeing her long blond hair from the pins and band that kept it up before running his fingers through it.

His fingers caught on a few tangles and she wished she had the energy to brush it, take a long hot shower, then brush it again. She hated going to bed with knotted, dirty hair. She always smelled of sweat, blood, smoke, and a variety of other things depending on where she was after a fight and so a shower was typical near the top of the list of things to do upon returning from a mission. She just hadn't felt up to taking one this time around and hated that she most likely smelled bad. It was embarrassing, really, considering that she and Quinn had grown accustomed to sleeping in each others arms. If she thought she smelled bad, then she knew that he must think the same. But if it bothered him, he didn't voice it.

"Mhm," she mumbled. "If failing to land properly after jumping from a third story balcony and having my saber techniques as well as hand to hand combat skills put to the test qualifies as a rough mission, then yes, it was very rough."

Running his calloused hand down the length of her back, he offered, "I can get you some pain meds if you wish."

"If I can't deal with aches and pains such as these without pain medication, I'm useless," she argued stubbornly. Glance back at him with her dark brown eyes, watching as he rose from the bed to remove his dress uniform and change into more comfortable clothing, she asked, "Did you plot a course to the Imperial Fleet?" It was a silly question.

"Of course. I would not be turning in for the night had I not have done as you requested."

She smiled faintly, closing her eyes.

He gave her complete obedience even though she made it clear she didn't run a tight ship. He could call her Rhiallia or Lia amongst the others and she wouldn't care. Hell, he could kiss her in front of the crew and she would fully return it. But he was a gentleman and sought to keep things professional when they were in the sight of others. At first it was amusing, then it became frustrating, and now she just accepted it. Besides, it made their time together feel all the more genuine and special.

The bed dipped beside her when Quinn returned, shirtless and dressed in dark grey sleep pants, and then his hands were on her shoulders, gently kneading the sore muscles.

A long groan escaped her throat in satisfaction against her will. "I thought I told you that I'm useless if I can't deal with the pain on my own," she argued with little conviction, arching into his touch as he worked the aches out of her shoulders, moving towards the back of her neck.

"You did," Quinn confirmed, digging his thumbs into the knots. "So don't think of me as your medic ensuring that you're fit for duty, but as your husband not wanting to see you in pain," he suggested lovingly, leaning down to press a kiss to her shoulder.

The young Sith grinned, his love for her bleeding through the Force. "Then by all means, Malavai, continue."

Quinn chuckled, and for countless minutes she let him pamper her, easing every ache and pain from her body. By the time her reached her calves, the sharp pain throughout her muscles had been reduced to minor throbs. If she didn't know better, she'd say he was a Jedi with how ease it was for him to heal her of her pain, but she kept that thought to herself. To her, it was a compliment. To him, being compared to a Jedi would be a turnoff and an insult, though he claimed to understand why she sympathized with the Jedi to some degree after she told him of her past.

Her history wasn't much of a secret, and thus he knew that her Sith parents had handed her over to and Imperial Intelligence Agent when she was two who then posed as her father and took her to Republic space where she was later taken in by the Jedi just as the Sith and Intelligence had planned. Not knowing that she was being used and that she was the child of two powerful Sith, she constantly relayed information to her "father", who visited her more often than was normal. She was fourteen when she learned the truth and witnessed the death of her Master and fellow Padawans at the hands of her real parents and Imperial soldiers. Against her will, she'd been taken back to the Empire and forced to abandon her Jedi ways and become Sith.

Thus far, she had become more powerful than anyone could have predicted.

Upon hearing her respect for the Jedi and how she had fought against becoming a Sith until she was sixteen, Quinn had been speechless, assuming that it had been what she wanted since she had become so powerful and successful. He hadn't known what to make of it, but he later told her that he understood how she felt about the Jedi considering she spent her childhood with them and wasn't aware of her lineage. Having him not shun her had taken a huge weight off her shoulders and she no longer felt that she had to explain her compassion and merciful ways to him.

Sometime later when he reached her feet, Lia asked what had been on her mind since reading his letter, "Do you want children, Malavai?"

"Yes," he replied automatically. "A child will successfully carry on your legacy, and -"

"I didn't ask about my legacy," she interrupted. "I asked if you want children. Forget about the specifics of it all and about my legacy – do you want a son or daughter calling you Father, Dad, or Daddy? A family?"

The Captain's reply wasn't so quick this time, and he hesitated in his ministrations on her foot. "… I've never given it much thought. Starting a family was never at the forefront of my mind. Not until you came along." Thinking it over for a moment, he nodded. "I admit, the prospect of one day starting a family with you is a pleasurable thought."

A weight lifted from her shoulders and she released a relieved sigh. For a moment she'd feared that he only wanted a child so that her legacy would continue and not because he actually wanted a family.

"What was your childhood like, Malavai?" she asked gently, folding her arms under her chin and staring at the dark silver headboard, and catching him off guard momentarily.

Switching to bestow attention on her other foot, he sighed. "Strict, as you could have predicted. I was told from a young age that I would join the military once old enough and thus my father, an Admiral, ensured that I would be ready by having the best education and training money could provide."

Frowning, she asked, "Didn't you do anything for fun?"

"Fun was never on the lesson plan," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"My childhood was nothing but a lie," she murmured sadly. "I was told by my so-called father that my mother died when I was two, and was later trained as a Jedi. Up until I was fourteen, I thought I was just a Jedi apprentice named Rhiallia Vellis. You can imagine the anger and confusion I felt when I learned the truth and that my name was Rhiallia Zorin, the child of two Sith Lords. Everything I believed was a lie, and I didn't have a say in the matter. My choice had been stolen from me when I was born."

Quinn ceased massaging her foot and moved up the bed to lay on his side next to her and she gingerly rolled onto hers so that they faced each other. The man put one strong arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him until they were chest to chest and nose to nose, and he softly traced the delicate black and red tattoo on her forehead that ran down the bridge of her nose, and the two that extended from the outer corners of her eyes before kissing her forehead lightly, and tears stung her eyes.

He knew how much she hated the tattoo her parents had forced onto her. Even now at age twenty-four, ten years later, she remembered being tied down whilst her true father held her head still so that a fellow Sith could tattoo the design onto her. It had been an attempt on her parents' part to try to force the Jedi teachings and her good nature from her by reminding her of who she was every time she looked in the mirror, and to some extent they succeeded. After a while she accepted that she'd never been a Jedi, and she instead became a powerful Sith and excelled above her peers and older Sith. But her good nature remained, and she was still a good person for a Sith.

The tattoos were still hated, but when Quinn kissed them or brushed them with his fingers, he made her hate them a little less.

"Why all the questions, Rhiallia?" Quinn inquired, his calloused hand resting on the side of her neck as his thumb stroked her jaw.

Chewing on her lip, she busied herself by tracing random patters on her lover's chest as she thought of how to answer him. "I don't want to force any child of mine to do something it doesn't want to do. If it doesn't want to be in the military, it doesn't have to be. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be proud if my child chose to serve – I'd be elated – but it shouldn't be my choice. It should be the child's, don't you agree?"

Quinn nodded mutely, letting her words sink in. She understood his dilemma since he believed that all should do their part for the Empire and that he would expect their child to serve. But he had to understand that it wasn't their choice to make.

After a moment, he said, "It's impossible for me to see my life going any differently, I'm afraid. Coming from a prestigious family where the men always served, it wasn't abnormal."

"Perhaps, but don't you want a child of ours to have the choice you didn't have?" she pressed.

"I don't know. I've never thought about children much, and thus haven't considered the possibility of one not going into the military," he admitted quietly, his dark blue eyes apologetic. Tucking her hair behind her ear, he stated slowly, "You do realize that if our child were to be Force sensitive it truly would have no choice but to become Sith, don't you?"

Rhiallia lowered her eyes from his, feeling her heart ache.

The Empire had strict rules about Force sensitives. Either you became Sith or you died, end of discussion.

"I know." She smiled sadly, "But I can dream that things were different, can't I?"

He returned her pained smile and lightly kissed her full lips before sitting up to unfold the dark purple blanket that sat on the corner of the bed and drape it over them, neither really wanting to move under the covers, and he pulled her close, tucking her head under his chin.

Nothing needed to be said by either of them, for the truth of the matter was as clear as day.

Their child would have no choice.

Given who they were, the Empire would expect their child to either enlist or become Sith, that was just how things worked. A normal life just wasn't available to the child they would someday have and that broke Rhiallia's heart. And though he said nothing and his expression had told her very little, she felt through their connection in the Force that it broke Malavai Quinn's heart as well.

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_**Reviews are welcome. In fact, they're encouraged!**_


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